One of the main reasons why I wanted to start this blog is because I want to grow as a crossdresser. The opportunity to check out restaurants gives me a place to have as a destination in mind for crossdressing in public. This is something I still fear doing, but I am getting more comfortable doing so. The Crossdresser Report is a win-win for my readers and myself. The readers get a valuable resource that helps them along their own journeys, and I am learning to deal with fear as a crossdresser.
An idea I had this week is to document my progress on that journey. I feel this is helpful to other crossdressers. Each of us has our own obstacles and perhaps reading about how I overcome mine, over time, will help others working through similar circumstances.
The Power of One
Last week I published a post about overcoming fear, including dealing with fear as a crossdresser, by doing one uncomfortable thing each day. I call this practice The Power of One, which you can read.
Since this was fresh upon my mind, I decided to do one uncomfortable task. Doing it would help me to grow and continue overcoming my fear. The task was to drive en femme to a Redbox site to return a video. My plan was to drive up to the site, take a picture to prove I was there, and drop it into the machine.
This place has two outdoor machines next to the parking lot of the store. I had expected people parking, going into the store, and perhaps even returning videos themselves. This wouldn’t have bothered me (I think). What I didn’t expect was for someone parked right in front of the machines, just sitting there drinking something.
I really didn’t want to have someone staring at me while I was returning the disc, so I decided to drive around the building. Once I could see the Redbox machines again, the original car was still there, plus another vehicle that had backed into the next spot.
I didn’t want to sit there, so I decided to drive across the street to see what was happening better. Once I reached my spot, I could see why the two vehicles were there. They were working on refilling the Redbox machines!
So if I had decided to return the movies, I would have had to deal with employees from Redbox. I opted to give up, and drove away.
Dealing with Fear as a Crossdresser
Most new crossdressers have to deal with the fear of being discovered. They may worry about family members, neighbors, or coworkers. Some people can defend these fears (family members not wanting anything to do with them, losing a job, etc.)
In my case with Redbox, these fears were probably not justified. I believe the fear was irrational, although it was very real. Because I am dealing with fear as a crossdresser, I decided to do something about it by trying to understand it better. I posted a question to the Crossdressers.com forum.
Understanding the Fear
I love Crossdressers.com because there are so many helpful people there. I can almost 100% guarantee that for whatever situation one has experienced, there is somebody at Crossdressers.com who has had a similar experience.
This time wasn’t disappointed. Here’s what I learned. Although I am comfortable going out among the general population, I still have a problem with one-on-one interactions with others. I think it has to do with the fact that there is no hiding when talking to another person. Unlike the instances where I am blending in among the crowd, having a one-on-one interaction is standing out from the crowd. It is drawing another’s full attention to oneself.
I have had some success with one-on-one interactions with others in the past. One of my most recent was a restaurant outing at Satay Thai Bistro and Bar in Las Vegas, Nevada. Although I was nervous, it was a very successful outing, one of my great accomplishments in overcoming my fears.
Although my experience with Redbox was a setback, I don’t see it as permanent. I know I’ll have more opportunities and that I’ll get better at dealing with fear as a crossdresser over time. I am looking forward to it!
xoxoxo Sami
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